mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
