she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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