Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
