I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
