So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
