You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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