i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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