you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
