I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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