You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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