Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
