Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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