I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
