Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
