my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
