She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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