Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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