I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
