Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she looked like the before picture.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
