He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
