i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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