I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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