Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
