remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
