no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
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This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
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"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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