her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
