Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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