People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
