waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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