Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Your cock deserves a montage
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
