I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
