I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
