ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
