Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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