Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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