I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
