There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
