My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
