I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
