She tied me up with her honor cords...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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