Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
