lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Is it penis luge time yet?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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