Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
