Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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