I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
