How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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