you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
