Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
