You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
