I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
