how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
