is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
