He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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