He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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