I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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