We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
