Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
