you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So squirting runs in the family.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
