the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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