i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
