So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
