The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He felt like a one man threesome
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
