He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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