i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
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