I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
