okay pat passed out under dana's car
I CAN MOONWALK!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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