The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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