corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
