Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
