can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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