Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
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Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
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It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize